Donald and Boris

Tweets, Twats and Theresa. God Help Us All.

The main story of the week is all about bombing, no not bombing of Syria by Top Trump (which the hypocritical bastard criticised Obama for, demanding congressional approval) – but Boris “Bojo” Johnsons photo bombing of President Putin while attired in a Swedish chef’s hat with fishnet stockings and suspenders.

Well it would have panned out like that, probably, if Theresa May hadn’t pulled his Moscow trip after realising that the last thing an explosive situation requires is a stuttering, mumbling, fuckwit with all the diplomatic skills of Nigel Farage speaking at an Equal Opportunities Commission meeting.

Why on earth Boris Johnson is allowed out in public, never mind pretend to be Foreign Secretary, constantly perplexes me, but hey the appointment of the three Fucketeer Brexit triplets has much sense as a Mark Reckless speech. David Davis is clearly going for Dame Margaret Rutherford impressionist of the year award and Liam Fox truly lacks any form of cunning, nor has he any charm and even less humour.

Still these three seem to be very attractive to Ukippers, with Reckless re-joining and now we have rumours that Diana James is also planning a defection. You know who Diana James is?

Google doesn’t! Yes, she the one who looked like she wanted to vomit when Farage attempted to kiss her following her Ukip leadership victory. All UKIP needs now is for Neil ‘Diddy’ Hamilton to slide sideways back in and we can enjoy the “Unholy Trinity of Twattery” to match perfectly, the true lack of talent clearly demonstrated by Bozo, Davis and Fox.

Still it could be worse, we could have The Donald in charge.

Oh wait! Maybe we do. There has been a lot of Transatlantic to’ing and fro’ing lately.

Of course the Tories wouldn’t allow envelope loving Hamilton back into the party as financial probity is key to them, just ask George Osborne. (Naturally, I use the phrase “financial probity” as a euphemism “for not getting caught”.

We only have to wait, sooner or later their Swedish cook will get Goosed.

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